dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
