She's JV to your varsity
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
