dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
