Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
