Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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