How's work?
Spinning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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