he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
