"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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