I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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