Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
