I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
