He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
