Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize