"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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