i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
