i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
