But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
