I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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