You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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