really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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