my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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