I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
