i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
