i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
