just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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