Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
