wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You need a sexual gate keeper
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
