I heard we made out
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My vagina is officially offended.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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