u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
