I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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