we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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