i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
