Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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