I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
