Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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