I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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