it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
