i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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