I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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