But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
