fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
soo... how was my night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
