Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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