Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
