I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
