I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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