so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
