i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
