I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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