he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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