dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
