thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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