Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
