I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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