I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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