How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
