im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i already hear my dad disowning me
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
