My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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