if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize