Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im part way to drunk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
