either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
