wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
