i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
