Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
