its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
