Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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